fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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