But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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