i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
