take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
