Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
