Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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