Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love you. Go after that dick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
