is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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