What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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