your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
