Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
