my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
