The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
