Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
