If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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