Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
