Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
