I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
