don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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