What did we do last night that was yellow?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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