I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
