first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
