I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think my vagina is haunted
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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