The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
