Got a toothbrush?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
