If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
