omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
