im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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