OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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