Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
