Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
