Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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