Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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