if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
