Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
