Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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