I can tuck mytits in my pants
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
