I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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