The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
