My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
