well most of my day revolves around power hour
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
