I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
