I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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