She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
