The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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