My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
