I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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