I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
