kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
