tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
