Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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