hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize