So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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