WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
