Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
