I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
