checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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