Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
