12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
