She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
