if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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