I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
