You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
