no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
