I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
