im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
