I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
