listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
