I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ketchup is God's man juice
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
