Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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