Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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