I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
