when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
