Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
