I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
