They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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