okay pat passed out under dana's car
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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